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- STUPID SLOGANS WAITING TO BE COPYRIGHTED -
- or -
- THIS IS AMERICA - IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, -
- GET IT OFF YOUR CHEST AND ONTO A BUMPER STICKER -
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• Don't drink and drive - you might hit a bump and spill it.
• Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
• Keep America beautiful, swallow your beer cans.
• If money can't buy happiness, I guess you'll just have to rent it.
• Drive defensively, buy a tank.
• I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.
• Famous last words: Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
• Famous last words: What happens if you touch these two wires tog--
• Famous last words: Don't worry, it's not loaded.
• Everything I need to know I got from watching Gilligan's Island.
• It doesn't matter how hard you've studied; the material won't be on the exam anyway.
• If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway.
• Reality is a figment of your imagination.
• Life is just one of those things.
• Don't use force; use a bigger hammer.
• You know it's going to be a bad day when you jump out of bed and miss the floor.
• I can handle pain until it hurts.
• It's not what you say in your argument, it's how loud you say it.
• Live teddy bears are best.
• Nothing is illegal until you get caught.
• The ultimate reason is "because."
• I'm objective; I object to everything.
• You cannot achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd.
• Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
• You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without hanging on.
• Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy.
• If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
• A day for firm decisions!!! Or is it??
• If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
• I have always been crazy, but it kept me from going insane.
• Never give a sucker an even break; take everything you can from him.
• Millions of years ago, man climbed out of the slime. You want to join the party?
• Laws are like bones; they're made to be broken.
• It's only a game until you lose.
• If God had intended man to watch TV, he would have given him rabbit ears.
• Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
• Fine day to work off excess energy, steal something heavy.
• If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
• Everything is unimportant in some way.
• Life is a terminal disease.
• Your lucky color has faded.
• Yeah, there's a lot of stress here, but I'm not straining.
• The world's so terrible that one can only make fun of it.
• No matter where you go; you're there.
• Life's biggest question is whether or not you're happy - not with others, but with yourself.
• Love isn't love until you give it away.
• Don't take me literally.
• Nothing is ever 100%
• I'd love to go out with you, but I have to stay home and see if I snore.
• I'd love to go out with you, but it's my parakeet's bowling night.
• I'd love to go out with you, but I'm having all my plants neutered.
• If you think this week was a drag, wait till you see what happens next week!
• If you knew what you were doing, you'd be bored.
• It's not just reality that matters.
• Pets aren't dangerous; just don't let them carry guns.
• The unexamined life is not worth living.
• You can't dream too much; you can't do enough to make your dreams come true.
• The world is coming to an end. Please log off.
• Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.
• Avoid reality at all costs.
• Take everything in stride. Trample anyone who gets in your way.
• Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
• It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
• Save the whales, collect the whole set.
• If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
• 90% of everything is crud.
• LSD melts in your mind, not in your hands.
• Earn cash in your spare time, blackmail your friends.
• Oh well, I guess this is just going to be one of those lifetimes.
• Don't believe everything you hear or anything you say.
• Death is life's way of telling you you're fired.
• If all else fails, throw up.
• Do we know that life has a cause?
• No one is perfect, but some of us are closer than others.
• Live fast, die young, and leave a good looking corpse behind.
• Fun is just point of view.
• If you understand something today, it must be obsolete.
• If ours is a man made world, why can't we remake it?
• My rules apply only to other people, not myself.
• In God we trust; all others must pay cash.
• It's only hopeless if you walk away.
• Keep that sense of humor; it's critical.
• Imagination is the foundation of reality.
• Life is a glitch in the universal program; death is just the programmer's way of debugging.
• The real trick to carrying on is not getting carried away.
• Life's a tough job, and the hours are a bitch.
• Everything is possible; just not too probable.
• Since when is talking a sign of thinking?
• Looking to God for answers is premature.
• I like quality, not quantity.
• Why should I grow up? This is more fun!
• I have crossed and recrossed the line between sanity and madness so many times that I have all but rubbed it out.
• Reality is all a point of view.
• Don't play with your food, especially after you've already eaten it.
• Hugs don't feel as good on the computer.
• Speak softly, but carry an M16.
• Change a life; make someone feel important.
• Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
• It's all a pigment of your hallucination.
• Your type doesn't stay around long enough to stay your type.
• Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for I am the meanest sonofabitch in the valley.
• Consider yourself hugged.
• Just take a cold shower and sleep it off.
• In theory, everything works.
• Life is recursive.
• The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of the oncoming train.
• Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.
• Repetition is always better the second time.
• Clever is getting out alive.
• Around here, to be nuts is normal, to be sane is stupid.
• Just plead the Fifth -- or drink it -- either way.
• Death is the consequence of being alive.
• Life's a beach, and then you drown.
• Don't worry about life; you're not going to survive it, anyway.
• Never open a book before 4 p.m. Sunday. (Rule of Weekend Studying)
• Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
• Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
• People who think they know what they're doing are especially annoying to those of us who do.
• Have a nice day . . . somewhere else.
• Was today really necessary?
• Life without bears would be unbearable.
• Lead me not into temptation; I can find it myself.
• I've no time to prepare a profound message.
• Life is too important to be taken seriously.
• Whatever it is -- I didn't do it!
• You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core . . . I like that in a person.
• Rainy days and automatic weapons always get me down.
• Optimism: Waiting for a ship to come in when you haven't sent one out.
• It's been Monday all week.
• When all else fails, lower your standards.
• I'm surrounded by idiots!
• Do unto others before they do unto you.
• Why be normal?
• I don't know, I don't care, and it doesn't make any difference.
• Don't take life too seriously; it's not permanent.
• If you're gonna go, go obnoxiously.
• I'm only a hypochondriac when I'm feeling sick.
• I don't think I'd be so bored if I didn't have so much to do.
• Never trust a nun with a gun.
• It's an IBM; it's got an excuse.
• Don't compute and drive; the life you save may be your own.
• No matter how bad a situation is, if you can't laugh at it, you are in really deep sh*t.
• Never go into a hug off balance.
• Life's a bitch, and then you're reincarnated.
• Cute and interesting are two different things.
• If there were no such thing as bears, what kind of hugs would we give?
• Life without glasses is fuzzy-wonderful.
• It's your right to be stupid, but it doesn't mean you should be.
• Life's a trip and then you run out of Travelers' Checks.
• If life's a trip, then where's my ticket?
• IBM: The stupidity goes in when the name goes on.
• I wouldn't know how to act if I weren't in trouble.
• If you're gonna' panic, panic constructively.
• A kibble is one thousand nibbles.
• Having a good time can be deadly.
• Reality is only fantasy gone stale.
• Be good; if you can't be good, forget it!
• If you can't go first class, charge it.
• Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there.
• Be fruit fly and multiple.
• Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
• Wouldn't it be nice if there was an Escape key for all of our problems?
• I know my biology; it's your biology I don't know.
• Life isn't weird; it's the people in it.
• I should have known better; every happy moment in my life came from lying.
• If you can't be weird, why be?
• It isn't homework unless it's due tomorrow.
• Gravity always gets me down.
• I've given up trying to escape from reality; they always find me anyway.
• I'm serious; it was a joke.
• Hairy Kiwi: Death by fruit.
• If we're going to have fun, we've got to be serious about it.
• If I can't fix it, it ain't broken.
• I'm not a psychiatrist; I'm just an expert at being confused.
• Now that I've finally got my act together, I've forgotten what I'm supposed to do with it.
• I cleaned up my act once, but I decided it was more fun when it was dirty.
• This was only a test; if this had been a real emergency, you'd be dead.
• For him to get an idea, it would be a surgical process.
• I'm not a creep; I'm actually a wonderful person hiding inside the body of a creep.
• I'm not crazy; I'm just a sane person trapped in the body of a lunatic.
• Being good at being stupid doesn't count.
• Some have morals, some don't, most simply ignore them.
• You can't be late until you show up.
• It doesn't matter what temperature a room is; it's always room temperature.
• I just love nonverbal communication!
• If we don't know it already, chances are we're not interested in learning it.
• You've gotta' die in creative ways.
• They keep saying the right person will come along; I think mine got hit by a truck.
• Get out of my reality!
• If it's not nailed down, it's fair game.
• It's beautiful the way it is; why spoil it by making it legal?
• Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
• It's not when you get up, but when you get down.
• I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.
• I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem.
• Every time I think I know where it's at, they move it.
• To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy.
• Of course there is no reason for it, it's just my policy.
• Of course it's the murder weapon. Who would frame someone with a fake?
• When in doubt, use brute force.
• Excellent time to become a missing person.
• A nuclear war can ruin your whole day.
• Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
• All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
• My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
• Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean that they AREN'T after you.
• Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.
• Your lucky number is 3234554 They told me I was gullible .. and I believed them.
• When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
• Don't tell me any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
• Look out! Behind you!
• Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
• If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
• Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
• Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
• If you are feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it.
• Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid all together.
• Your lucky number has been disconnected.
• Darth Vader sleeps with a Teddywookie.
• A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep.
• Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.
• Death is God's way of telling you not to be such a wise guy.
• Amnesia used to be my favorite word, but then I forgot it.
• I haven't lost my mind -- it's backed up on tape somewhere.
• The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
• There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.
• Today is an excellent day to have a rotten day.
• Today is the first day of the rest of the mess.
• You know it's a bad day when... ... the sun comes up in the west. ... you jump out of bed and miss the floor. ... the bird singing outside your window is a buzzard. ... you put both contact lenses in the same eye. ... your pet rock snaps at you. ... the blind date turns out to be your ex-wife. ... your income tax refund check bounces. ... you put your bra on backwards and it fits better. ... Suicide Prevention puts you on hold.
• Nothing is as easy as it looks.
• Everything takes longer than you think.
• It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
• Mother Nature is a bitch.
• Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.
• When things just can't get any worse, they will.
• Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
• No matter what goes wrong, it will probably look right.
• Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only makes it worse.
• Always keep a record of data - it indicates you've been working.
• In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
• Experiments should be reproducible - they should all fail in the same way.
• Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
• Anything that begins well, ends badly. Anything that begins badly, ends worse.
• Any given program, when running, it is obsolete.
• Any given program costs more and takes longer.
• If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
• If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
• Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
• No matter how much you do, you'll never do enough.
• What you don't do is always more ant than what you do do.
• When it rains, it pours.
• The course of progress: Most things get steadily worse.
• Everything put together sooner or later falls apart.
• Things will get worse before they get better.
• Who said things would get better?
• Things get worse under pressure.
• Nothing ever goes away.
• You always find something in the last place you look.
• You can't fall off the floor.
• Anything can be made to work if you fiddle with it long enough.
• If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
• Push something hard enough and it will fall.
• The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
• Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.
• A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow.
• Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
• It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
• You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
• Test tube babies shouldn't throw stones.
• If God intended men to smoke, He would have set him on fire.
• Drugs may be the road to nowhere, but at least they're the scenic route.
• Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
• Nice guys don't finish nice.
• It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
• It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end.
• Never eat more than you can lift.
• Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.
• It was such a lovely day I thought it was a pity to get up.
• I may have my faults, but being wrong isn't one of them.
• If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in.
• Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
• I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
• I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time.
• The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
• Stop crime at its source! Support Planned Parenthood.
• The 100% American is 99% an idiot.
• If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt.
• There's no point in being grownup if you can't be childish sometimes.
• You're being followed; cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
• You've been leading a dog's life. Stay off the furniture.
• The whole purpose of your life is to serve as a warning to others.
• A gleekzorp without a ternpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of)
• Laugh at your problems, everyone else does.
• If Murphy's Law can go wrong, it will.
• Don't abandon hope: your Tom Mix decoder ring arrives tomorrow.
• Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
• I'm prepared for all emergencies. But I'm totally unprepared for everyday life.
• A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
• The new baby is like royalty, he's the prince of wails.
• He heard she was stuck up and asked how much they got.
• Ill-bred children are always displaying their pest manners.
• He had never seen the Catskill Mountains, but had seen them kill mice.
• The pants were very sad, they were depressed.
• Her body was recovered, she bought a new suit of clothes.
• If a women changed her sex, what would her religion be? She would be a he-then.
• When asked if he had missed school lately, the boy said `Not a bit.`
• The former ruler of Russia and his wife were called Tsar and Tsarina, so clearly their children were called Tsardines.
• Students may like nitrates, they're cheaper than day rates.
• New with a K in front is a Canoe.
• He thought the formula for water was H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O, H-to-O.
• Little rivers which run into the Nile, Juveniles.
• Did you hear about the two peanuts walking down the road when one of them was assaulted?
• It's bad luck to be superstitious.
• Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.
• Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have.
• Don't let people drive you crazy when you know it's in walking distance.
• When does summertime come to Minnesota you ask? Well, last year I think it was a Tuesday.
• I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
• I believe in getting in hot water; it keeps you clean.
• If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call.
• Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror and you wouldn't have been notified.
• According to my best recollection, I don't remember.
• Overdrawn? But I still have checks left!
• Get forgiveness now - tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
• Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
• CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
• Cautious: Breathing may be hazardous to your health.
• Schizophrenia beats being alone.
• Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
• Anything worth doing is worth overdoing.
• Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer.
• I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
• They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid.
• If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.
• Do what comes naturally now. Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
• Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
• Honk if you like peace and quiet.
• Never count your chickens before they rip your lips off.
• Quick!! Act as if nothing has happened!
• Paul Revere was a tattle-tail.
• Monday is an awful was to spend 1/7 of your life.
• Fine day to throw a party. Throw him as far as you can.
• Keep grandma off the streets. Legalize bingo.
  

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